Be Still and Know that I am God
Today I picked up notebook I used back in 1994. It reminded me of a night I was supposed to go to a Carmen concert with my band. All of our families were going, so there were probably 15 or more on our bus ready to travel. But things didn’t go as planned.
The night before this concert I’d been sitting on the floor of the bathroom with my head over a bucket. I don’t get the flu often, and on that night I prayed and begged my Heavenly Father to take it away. I wrote “I believe in my heart that had He chosen to do so, He could’ve and I wasn’t sure why He’d chosen not to, but I finally just gave it to Him to do with as He pleased. (And He still pleased NOT to take it away.)”
Just that morning, before the flu debilitated me, I’d gone to work, but I’d spent most of the thirty minute drive in tears. We’d had no water for at least 36 hours, so I’d had to leave early to shower at my mom’s. I felt like my job was consuming my life and my family dictated any free time I might have found. I wrote, “My music has gotten lost in the shuffle. Where will it end? I’ve managed to keep my hurried prayer time and weary Bible time, but this morning I spent most of my drive to work crying out for God’s help to slow things down and give me some control of my life. The only thing keeping me sane at this point are the words of praise He’s taught me to lift up to Him in times of trial.”
I believe God’s tardiness in answering what I called my “bucket prayer” those 23 years ago was so He could answer my cries of earlier that day. If He had delivered me from the flu right away, I’d have been at work on that Friday then rushed home to get ready to get on that bus. I would have been exhausted. And according to my little journal, I’d have had just a few hours on Saturday to prepare for two or three concerts on Saturday and Sunday and a birthday party for a nine year old on Monday.
I needed to slow down, and I didn’t know how. My thirty something self learned a valuable lesson that day, but I think I’ll let you hear it from her perspective.
“In the recovery time He forced me to take, I heard God’s voice. I was awake much of last night and in bed until two this afternoon. During this time He spoke to me, and I realized this illness was really His gift. I couldn’t seem to slow down, so He slowed me down. . . Hopefully I learned a lesson today, one I won’t quickly forget, and one that God won’t need to teach me again soon. What exactly is that lesson? Let God be in control of your life. When life gets too hectic and seems out of control, it probably is, so give it back to Him.”